J.O.R.T.s

Yes, we know, it was Catherine Bach who started the whole thing. But inducting Catherine would have left a blonde void in the Hall and forced us to recognize two women for the same thing, kicking ass in tiny shorts. They are called Daisy Dukes for a reason. Well at least women women are wearing them, other wise they are just creepy. And Jessice sure did live up to the hype that started way back when. This induction is marked by two memorable images.

We at Jorts like only one thing more than Jean Shorts. And that is girls who talk dirty. While Brooke's fame is built not on shorts, but on full jeans (and a hot ass) we cannot deny that her one single line forever transformed the fabric we love. "You want to know what comes between me and my Calvins? Nothing." Need we say more?

First in his class for the Denim Hall, Favre is pictured in his favorite Rolled Cuff Jorts, the faint hints of a tight mullet hiding behind his baseball cap. Favre is a lifelong devotee of the All-American fabric, and is currently a pitchman for Wrangler. Never one to stray from his roots, my source tell me that Brett keeps these same Jorts in his closet to this day. The gridiron start and certain Pro Football Hall of Famer was unaivalable for comment on his selection to the Hall Of Denim. Also unavailable was an explanation of Favre's middle name, Lorenzo, which is seldom associated with white boys from the Deep South.

Here at Jorts , we have made and executive decision to create the Hall Of Denim. The Hall itself will be an elaborate structure with many columns and porticices . Or portici , or whatever, I don't even know what a portico is anyway, but the Hall will be very Ornate. Although it is not yet built, we are going to begin the process of assembling the first class on inductees. The rules for induction are simple. The Hall itself will consist of people who, through their creative use of Denim, Shorts in particular, have helped raise the profile of the most All-American of Fabrics. To this end I submit the first class of inductees. Over the course of the day today, I will Present each of these Luminary figures, along with the Image that will mark their place in the Hall.

Whats the point of a Leaf Blower? All you are doing is blowing your problem off to another persons yard so you don’t have to take care of it. Why is this so acceptable to people? What I got a garbage shooter and all my trash was launched over the fence to somebody else's house? You ever see a homeless guy on the side of the road with a Dog? I hate that. I like to stop and drop off a bag of Dog food so the dog doesn’t have to suffer. You can see it in their eyes, especially when the Paris Hilton types drive by in their convertibles with a puppy in their purse, “How did I get stuck on the freeway with this smelly dude, and fluffy is riding around in that purse and doesn’t even have to walk” You ever see a shoe on the side of the road? Its always just one shoe. How does that happen? What are these people doing that causes sudden dramatic Shoe Loss? Are people just driving down the road with their feet out the window? Wouldn’t you consider coming back for a shoe that just flew out the...

The Most fun I ever had in a Buick. Man, what Idiots we are when we are young. My first ever car was a 1984 Buick Skyhawk. 4 doors, 4 cylinders, no front suspension. One depressing Western Kansas afternoon, I had two of my friends get in the backseat while I was driving. We were traveling on a back highway in the middle of a Tuesday afternoon, very little traffic. I set the cruise at 45 and proceeded to climb into the passenger seat. I was holding the steering wheel at the bottom, and to any passers by it appeared that our car was occupied by three boys and being driven by none of them. We really thought this was the height of comedy, that our little trick could not be topped. I will never forget the look on the face of the blue hair in the Cadillac as she passed our car headed in the opposite direction. Terror replaced elation as the prevalent emotion in our car as the Caddy careened off towards the ditch, its operator rendered useless by her shock in seeing a ghost car travel...

I have some questions about Polygamist Mormons. Why are the women always so ugly? I think if I were going to have multiple wives, I would need a few of them to be attractive. But not these guys. I guess it’s a quantity over quality thing. Maybe the attractive women know that they don’t have to share a man. That brings up another point. Are these ugly broads flocking to the polygamist sects themselves, or do the dudes go out and actively recruit? I can see how that sales pitch would go down; “So, honey, you’re kind of homely with that straight brown hair, whattya say you come back down to Utah and join me and my three other wives who live in a shack in the woods?” Judging from what I have seen, these women are probably not getting a lot of better offers. If they turn Jebediah down, they will probably just end up buried under the floorboards in the kitchen of the town Librarian. I am trying to lose weight, but cannot turn down fast food. So I have started ordering the Kids Meal every tim...