J.O.R.T.s

Attention Loyal Jorts Readers and Fellow KAOS fans. I need assistance with two images. First of all, Super Bowl Winning QB Ben Roethlisberger was seen in a recent issue of Sports Illustrated wearing Some high quality Denim Shorts. I have been unable to locate this image on the otherwise fabulous interwebs, so if anyone can help I would appreciate it. Also, I need you help in determining whether the Shorts shown in the picture below are indeed Denim. There seems to be some confusion regarding the material, and the wearer seems to want to dissasoiciate themselves with the Jorts Phenomenon. Please help loyal reader(s).

Workplace Tips, and things to avoid. The Break Room fridge. This is not a place to put food that you ever want to eat again. This is a place to donate food to your apparently starving co-workers. If you put a Pizza in that fridge at lunchtime, it is guaranteed to be completely gone by 3 o’clock. Well almost completely gone, there will be one piece left in the box, obviously bitten in half. Despite the very clear teeth marks in the final slice, you will find that some stranger will appear instantly to inform you that “someone” tore that off, it wasn’t a bite. These Bite deniers are the strangest of creatures. They are not there to tell you that they themselves did the tearing, but to place them blame on another co-worker. After relaying their insignificant bit of false information, they disappear again, waiting for a sandwich to be left so they can eat a corner of it, and leave others to ponder. Be Ware of the bite deniers. The Microwave Could you clean it? Really, its not that

Omega watches announced today they are going full speed ahead with their support of Michael Phelps. The Michael Phelps Perpetual Alarm Chronograph will launch the third Monday of April. The New Watch features a built in alarm that cannot be changed. The alarm signals the wearer at 4:20 each and every day.

I hate that term. People use it to describe something random. It's not. If you have any skill at all, throwing darts is actually quite precise.

Who would win in a fight between Courtney Paris and Laila Ali? Courtney Paris. 6'4 240 lbs 21 years old. Laila Ali. 5'10 167. 31 years old. One is a trained fighter, the other a top shelf collegiate althlete. Both have athletic Fathers, one of whom is the greatest boxer of all time, the other a Super Bowl Champion. Do size and Power win the day? Or is the trained fighter destined to come out on top? Either way, its obvious to most who the real winner is.... Us if we get to watch it go down.

I would like to share with you my top five One-Word, non curse, PC insults which are guaranteed to start fights. Buddy. Pal. Clown. Chief. Skippy. And a bonus word, for use to start a physical fight when your logical arguments have failed. Whatever. As in, "Whatever Pal, you are just wrong"

A long story from the basketball court, but worth telling. One of the regular players in our game is a middle eastern looking man we have nicknamed Ali. He, I am guessing, is not an natural born American, but where he might be from, I do not know. He looks to be of some sort of middle eastern descent. In the last week, a new guy has shown up at the gym for hoops. 18 year old Blue Valley type, white kid, no toughness. I do not know his name, he has acquired the nickname "the kid" Today the kid was guarding Ali. Kid was running around a screen to guard Ali as he was launching a three. Often in the situation, a player will try to distract the shooter with a yell. One of my friends is fond of a hearty "GOO!" in this situation. The kid selected a different term. With his hands raised and loud enough to be heard outside of the gym, he yelled, I kid you not, "JIHAD!." Probably the most inappropriate thing I have ever actually witnessed. Especially from a