J.O.R.T.s

Last week we covered the subject of Florida Fans who were Jorts. Tireless research by the JortsBlog staff has revealed that indeed, the Gators are unrivaled in their Denim Adoration. We were able to locate evidence of widespread Love for the Knee Jeans throughout the S.E.C. Here we have both Kentucky and Georgia fans showing their fandom. And Here we see Alabama fan showing his support of Denim Shorts; Here, also is a Tennesee fan showing uncommon dedication to outdated fashion with his tailored jorts paired with the ever popular combination of Socks and Sandals, Orange Socks no less. Now Tennesse fans are a proud bunch, that cannot be argued. What can be argued is their choice of when and where to display their team colors. Again, here at Jorts, most female's are fully approved for Jean-short wearing, and this is no exception. What is at issue is the pant choice of the man in the background. Not jeans, not shorts, but still not OK. The staff was unable, however to avoid the onrus...

Yesterday on KAOS I was brought in a a guest expert on the subject of knee jeans. The topic was this post, a cover from a new magazine, The Missouriaen; In response, the staff here at Jorts have been researching the subject of Missourians and Jean Shorts. Here are some of the images we have been able to uncover. While the staff has done some great work in this regard, one thing became clear while we were researching this issue. There is not one single place in this entire world where Jean Shorts are more accepted than in Gainesville, Florida. The Sheer numbers are staggering. All over these wonderfull interwebs, Florida Fans are sporting bare calves for all to enjoy. Their love of the dungaree's for your knees is astounding. Here follows a collection of amazing images collected by the tireless reseach staff of Jorts.

J.O.R.T.S. always appreciates the feedback of loyal readers. Recently I asked our readership to assist me in Scouring the interwebs for a photograph of Super Bowl Winning QB Ben Roethlisberger clad in denim shorts. This photo was not found. In its place, I submit to you a widely circulated photo of Heisman Trophy winning QB Tim Tebow in his Jean Shorts. The observant reader will also notice that Mr. Tebow is wearing what appear to be Birkenstock style sandals with his Jean shorts, causing one to wonder if perhaps he thought he had won a Time Machine as part of his Heisman Prize. He looks as if he is ready to travel back to 1994 and take a recruiting tour with Danny Wuerffel. Unbeknowst to me however, Tebow is merely trying to keep in touch with his fan base. Our next photo shows a loyal gator fan displaying the stuff of champions. This unnamed fan has stumbled into the wrong section for a Florida- Florida State Football game, and a rather lovely young seminole has taken the opportunit...

Attention Loyal Jorts Readers and Fellow KAOS fans. I need assistance with two images. First of all, Super Bowl Winning QB Ben Roethlisberger was seen in a recent issue of Sports Illustrated wearing Some high quality Denim Shorts. I have been unable to locate this image on the otherwise fabulous interwebs, so if anyone can help I would appreciate it. Also, I need you help in determining whether the Shorts shown in the picture below are indeed Denim. There seems to be some confusion regarding the material, and the wearer seems to want to dissasoiciate themselves with the Jorts Phenomenon. Please help loyal reader(s).

Workplace Tips, and things to avoid. The Break Room fridge. This is not a place to put food that you ever want to eat again. This is a place to donate food to your apparently starving co-workers. If you put a Pizza in that fridge at lunchtime, it is guaranteed to be completely gone by 3 o’clock. Well almost completely gone, there will be one piece left in the box, obviously bitten in half. Despite the very clear teeth marks in the final slice, you will find that some stranger will appear instantly to inform you that “someone” tore that off, it wasn’t a bite. These Bite deniers are the strangest of creatures. They are not there to tell you that they themselves did the tearing, but to place them blame on another co-worker. After relaying their insignificant bit of false information, they disappear again, waiting for a sandwich to be left so they can eat a corner of it, and leave others to ponder. Be Ware of the bite deniers. The Microwave Could you clean it? Really, its not that...

Omega watches announced today they are going full speed ahead with their support of Michael Phelps. The Michael Phelps Perpetual Alarm Chronograph will launch the third Monday of April. The New Watch features a built in alarm that cannot be changed. The alarm signals the wearer at 4:20 each and every day.

I hate that term. People use it to describe something random. It's not. If you have any skill at all, throwing darts is actually quite precise.

Who would win in a fight between Courtney Paris and Laila Ali? Courtney Paris. 6'4 240 lbs 21 years old. Laila Ali. 5'10 167. 31 years old. One is a trained fighter, the other a top shelf collegiate althlete. Both have athletic Fathers, one of whom is the greatest boxer of all time, the other a Super Bowl Champion. Do size and Power win the day? Or is the trained fighter destined to come out on top? Either way, its obvious to most who the real winner is.... Us if we get to watch it go down.

I would like to share with you my top five One-Word, non curse, PC insults which are guaranteed to start fights. Buddy. Pal. Clown. Chief. Skippy. And a bonus word, for use to start a physical fight when your logical arguments have failed. Whatever. As in, "Whatever Pal, you are just wrong"

A long story from the basketball court, but worth telling. One of the regular players in our game is a middle eastern looking man we have nicknamed Ali. He, I am guessing, is not an natural born American, but where he might be from, I do not know. He looks to be of some sort of middle eastern descent. In the last week, a new guy has shown up at the gym for hoops. 18 year old Blue Valley type, white kid, no toughness. I do not know his name, he has acquired the nickname "the kid" Today the kid was guarding Ali. Kid was running around a screen to guard Ali as he was launching a three. Often in the situation, a player will try to distract the shooter with a yell. One of my friends is fond of a hearty "GOO!" in this situation. The kid selected a different term. With his hands raised and loud enough to be heard outside of the gym, he yelled, I kid you not, "JIHAD!." Probably the most inappropriate thing I have ever actually witnessed. Especially from a...

Driving Sucks. Correction, city driving with other people around sucks. If you can get out for the afternoon and run down some back roads, maybe a curvy country highway, that is enjoyable. But dealing with morons every day so that I can get over where I need to be, that sucks. Here are my top reasons why. The 4 way stop. Its painful, really. Watching these numb heads try to negotiate one of the simpler on-road interactions and failing so miserably that it reminds one of a mentally handicapped mouse trying to complete a maze with no cheese at the end. It should be simple; there are 4 cars at a stop sign one facing each direction. If no one is turning, then 2 cars can go at a time, with no risk of vehicular death. But no, never can we execute this dance with out a stutter and a stop and a near death swerve. I drive through three 4-way stops every morning. It never fails, there are always horns and screams and fist waving that are based solely on the failure of one driver to ta...

As we enter a new year many people feel the need to get healthy, to lose weight and be more fit. As a service to those of you who are returning to the gym for the first time after a long absence, I want to give you a quick guide for guys to avoid at the gym. We will procede through these in a reverse order of danger, from some annoying folks to those who might really be hazardous to your long term well being. The Socializer. Generally a middle aged white man, this creature can come in all ages and sizes, so be wary. The Socializer can often be found with or near coffee. If your gym has a coffee maker, he knows where it is. He also will often be carrying a newspaper. The Socializer is mainly annoying for his ability to not work out at all, while spending long hours at the gym. The Socializer can prevent you from getting your work out in as well. He may lean on the weight machine while you are trying to lift, discussing varius females as they walk by, or he may want to discuss his misinf...

It was morning really, about 2:20. I had just left the Golden Q, in Hays, with a buddy that was home for the summer, and his co-worker a man I knew only as Terry*. Terry was driving a Jeed, a real off-roader type, lifted, chevy 350 all the goodies. Terry was blasted, should never have been driving. He leaves the Q and heads west towards campus. At the time of the incident I was living at the University Apartments on 12th street. Terry believes that it is possible for him to drive on 8th street, then cut North to 12 across an open field. The other passenger, Mark* and I, both knew that this was not possible. The "open field" was dissected by railroad tracks, on the north side of which was a ravine about 12-16 feet deep and maybe 25 feet across. This ravine is not visible from 8th street because of the rail road tracks. Terry insisted on trying to cross the field, despite the screams of dissenting opinion from both Mark and myself. As we launched over the tracks, Ter...

Spam. I don’t get it. Well, I mean I GET it. We all get it. And way, way too much of it. I just don’t know why. Are there people out there buying discount Viagra from an unknown company based solely on a random unsolicited email? It seems like the worst possible business model. Yet it persists. And grows. Are there a group of companies behind these spam mails? I doubt it, I imagine one lonely dude in his basement with cases of little plastic bottles, hoping that some other lonelier dude somewhere in the vast interwebs clicks “buy now” A note to new parents who live in family neighborhoods, be carefull with your baby monitors. If your neighbor has a similar baby monitor to the one you use, and you have the transmitter in your bedroom, and they have their baby monitor on, and it is late at night, and there is indeed no baby around, and you are participating in potentially baby creating activities, you may find that you and your neighbors are quite a lot closer to each other than you prob...

But now I'm back. Sorry I was away so long, its ok nothing funny happened anyway.

Yes, we know, it was Catherine Bach who started the whole thing. But inducting Catherine would have left a blonde void in the Hall and forced us to recognize two women for the same thing, kicking ass in tiny shorts. They are called Daisy Dukes for a reason. Well at least women women are wearing them, other wise they are just creepy. And Jessice sure did live up to the hype that started way back when. This induction is marked by two memorable images.

We at Jorts like only one thing more than Jean Shorts. And that is girls who talk dirty. While Brooke's fame is built not on shorts, but on full jeans (and a hot ass) we cannot deny that her one single line forever transformed the fabric we love. "You want to know what comes between me and my Calvins? Nothing." Need we say more?

First in his class for the Denim Hall, Favre is pictured in his favorite Rolled Cuff Jorts, the faint hints of a tight mullet hiding behind his baseball cap. Favre is a lifelong devotee of the All-American fabric, and is currently a pitchman for Wrangler. Never one to stray from his roots, my source tell me that Brett keeps these same Jorts in his closet to this day. The gridiron start and certain Pro Football Hall of Famer was unaivalable for comment on his selection to the Hall Of Denim. Also unavailable was an explanation of Favre's middle name, Lorenzo, which is seldom associated with white boys from the Deep South.

Here at Jorts , we have made and executive decision to create the Hall Of Denim. The Hall itself will be an elaborate structure with many columns and porticices . Or portici , or whatever, I don't even know what a portico is anyway, but the Hall will be very Ornate. Although it is not yet built, we are going to begin the process of assembling the first class on inductees. The rules for induction are simple. The Hall itself will consist of people who, through their creative use of Denim, Shorts in particular, have helped raise the profile of the most All-American of Fabrics. To this end I submit the first class of inductees. Over the course of the day today, I will Present each of these Luminary figures, along with the Image that will mark their place in the Hall.